Services
Trauma & Family Estrangement
Trauma is an emotional reaction to an event or experience that that is difficult to cope with or feels out of control. It is the psychological response to situations which are distressing or threatening, such as experiencing or witnessing abuse, neglect, accidents, violence, or sudden loss. It could be an isolated incident or cluster of incidents, or prolonged ongoing events that happens over time. These experiences can leave individuals feeling helpless, unsafe, unsupported or disconnected from themselves and others.
The effects of trauma can be profound as it impacts emotions, relationships, work and pleasure as well as physical health. Common symptoms include anxiety, depression, flashbacks and feeling isolated. It impacts physical issues which can results in exhaustion, fatigue, digestive issues and chronic pain, sometimes this leads to bouts of short-term or long term illness. Trauma can alter the way we view the world and respond to it, often leaving us stuck in patterns of fear, avoidance or people pleasing to cope.
Family estrangement is nothing new, it occurs when at least one family member intentionally distances themselves from at least one other family member because of a negative relationship – or the perception of one. Research suggests that at least 12 million individuals in the UK are personally affected by family estrangement which either they or another family member initiates. Estrangement is not always permanent, sometimes a pause is appropriate to provide breathing space for an individual and time to reflect on how a healthier dynamic could be explored.
- Estrangement is voluntary. This means that at least one person desired the distance rather than a third-party intervention, like foster care or the criminal justice system.
- Estrangement is intentional. The distance between family members was not an accident or an instance of people losing touch.
- Estrangement tends to be based on ongoing issues. It is less likely that family members suddenly decide they want distance. Rather, communication can gradually diminish over time as a result of conflict or negative relationships.
The more rigid a family is in enforcing values or expectations, the more likely they are to experience members cutting off. This can leave people feeling different, feeling isolated for not fitting in; it becomes more about fitting in with other people’s expectations of how to behave, rather than being true to yourself.
The causes of estrangement can include divorce and re-marriage, abuse or neglect, betrayal, bullying, unaddressed mental illness, unsupportive or destructive behaviour, and substance abuse.
Maybe parents do not square with a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity, their choice of spouse or partner, religion, economic or political views. Maybe parents have a rigid personality type and do not accept their child’s morals or views on societal norms and expectations e.g. mental health, technology or global warming. Maybe adult children who have become parents themselves are experiencing difficulty with clashes of parenting styles, in the eyes of their parents.
Some people can be estranged for simply ‘being themselves’, being labelled the ‘black sheep’. Generational influence can also have a massive impact on the older generation's points of view conflicting with younger generations. Due to the shift in the mental health narrative, newer generations are more likely to want to speak out, with the primary desire to have family relationships that are more positive, unconditionally loving, warm and emotionally close.
How I Work
As an integrative counsellor, I offer a variety of techniques tailored specifically for each client including Systemic Family Therapy and Trauma-Informed Therapy. I help clients work through past hurts, by hearing their stories of what brought them here and their lived experiences unique to them. Hearing their story out loud and the impact it has on them helps to provide clarity and releases the burden of the relationship being all on them. Trauma-informed therapy means any triggers and flashbacks can be directly worked on, and confidence built to set healthy boundaries with those around you; whether you want to develop skills to help you with reconciliation or to be more empowered individually. We work together to consider the whole situation holistically to increase your confidence and make an empowered vision for you and your future.
I’ll work with you to build resilience and a stronger sense of self. My role is not to tell you what to do or to solve your problems - but rather to empower you to make your own informed choices. This journey of safe exploration and self-care enables you to reconnect with yourself and those who truly support you, fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships moving forward. It takes at least 2 people to make a relationship, and estrangement is born as a result of an unhealthy relationship. I help clients process and move forward with family estrangement, so they can break free from negative patterns and work towards healthy relationships and acceptance to move forward in life.
Systemic family therapy explores you as a part of a family system and the wider network. We look at patterns in your early years - how they inform thoughts, feelings and behaviour in the present, in relationships in and outside the family e.g. home, work, friends, social groups and communities. Looking at these relationship dynamics more closely, with you at the heart, enables exploration of how you respond internally and outwardly to others. These patterns are present in you and relationships between extended family members are passed down the generations, so it is considered normal. But it does not 'feel' normal and has a detrimental effect on you and your wellbeing, as well as your life outside family - with work, friends and other groups.
It also considers social and cultural factors and strongly emphasises the client-therapist relationship. So ultimately you can find freedom from past destructive relationships, and find new ways of interacting with others that make you feel better about yourself and your life. This new perspective of exploring life from a 'bird's eye view', means it is clear to see where there is dysfunction in relationships. This also gives an opportunity to heal ruptures and set healthy boundaries, simultaneously working on an individual's health and well-being and personal and professional relationships around them.
Trauma therapy can help you deal with the emotional response as a result of an isolated traumatic event or series of traumatic events over some time from days to years to decades. Trauma can result from a wide range of situations, ranging from serious injury, sexual violence, and life-threatening events, to chronic abuse and neglect, being bullied, and homelessness. While not all trauma survivors experience long-term negative consequences, we know that the experience of trauma can profoundly affect someone’s psychological, social, physical, occupational, and financial functioning. Different people exposed to the same trauma may respond in different ways.
Trauma therapy is not a one-size-fits-all kind of treatment; what works for one person might not work for another. As a trauma-informed therapist, I will create a tailored counselling plan that respects the individual's pace, coping mechanisms and personal history. A trauma therapist's role is also to understand each person's specific needs. The therapist is tasked with creating a tailored treatment plan that respects the individual's pace, coping mechanisms and personal history. They also ensure the therapy environment feels safe, supportive and non-judgmental, which is paramount to the individual's healing process.
Benefits of Family Estrangement Therapy
- Exploring the problems and difficult interactions you experience with your family and listening with no judgement – so that you know you are not alone and you do have options.
- Recognising what a healthy relationship looks like – so that you can identify who around you supports and accepts you for who you are.
- Helping you set boundaries – so that you are conscious about looking after your needs, in the family or relationships you have around you.
Who I Help
Whether you have grown up in a family where key members were absent or estranged, or you are currently navigating estranged relationships, I am here to help you process these complex emotions. Together, we explore how these experiences have shaped your life and work towards finding acceptance, inner peace, and the strength to move forward.
For parents of children and young people, discussing family estrangement can be difficult and emotionally charged. I provide guidance on how you can communicate this sensitive topic compassionately and ethically, ensuring that your message is honest and supportive. I aim to help you foster greater understanding and security for your dependents during challenging times.
Relocation, separation, and divorce can create new relationship dynamics that are challenging to navigate. I work with individuals experiencing relationship breakdowns or adjusting to blended family structures, helping you understand and manage these transitions. Together, we can work towards creating healthier connections and new beginnings.
Processing abuse or trauma is a big step and can be overwhelming. I provide a safe space for survivors to explore these at a comfortable pace, as well as the complexity of emotions associated with this such as shame, betrayal, loss and anger.
Case Scenario Examples
Example 1
Sara hasn't seen her dad since she was 11 and her relationship with her mum is distant. She feels her mum changed after her dad left and blames her for her dad moving out and meeting someone else. Aside from birthday and Christmas cards once a year and an occasional call where her mum talks about her endeavours, there is no contact. Sara has health struggles which started during adolescence with periods of remission and flare. Each time there is contact with her mum, her condition flares up rendering her unable to work. Struggling to know what to do, she has a highly valued tight-knit support network, but she still can’t stop feeling like her mum is punishing her. She has always wondered if her dad blames her too, but feels she will never know. What she does know is that she wants to move forward and work out what to do next.
Example 2
Dylan has a fiance (his high school sweetheart) and has just landed a fantastic job in sports broadcasting. He routinely visits his family during planned times throughout the year and each time he wants to get through it. He comes from a family of doctors who have never accepted his partner Ana - they look down on her and disapprove of his career choice in Sports media. The couple tolerates the family dynamics by making polite conversation to keep the peace - for the sake of his family. Dylan has struggled the past few times and Ana has decided the next time she will not attend, giving an excuse that she is working. Dylan knows avoidance is not ideal, but can’t find any other option.
Example 3
Nina is happily married with three small children. She finds much warmth and support from her husband’s family - in contrast to her family, who are estranged. Nina struggles to communicate the situation to her children as they ask her questions about why she doesn't see or visit her grandparents. Previously there has been an absence in her communication about them and she will change the subject if the children ask. Nina feels under pressure now as the kids are older and needs advice and guidance managing the situation and what to do next, while simultaneously managing her own emotions.
What Do Previous Clients Say?
Many former clients have highlighted how therapy enabled them to process difficult family experiences and dynamics at their own pace without pressure. While simultaneously working on their self-care and building themselves up from the inside out.
These clients were able to set healthy boundaries to maintain relationships that felt right for them, with positive outcomes and more meaningful interactions. Others achieve a sense of relief in giving breathing space to situations that are not working so that they can focus on healing and paving the way on their journey.
Get in Touch
To book an appointment, please send me an email, fill in the contact form below, or WhatsApp me.